My theme for the new year – Selichah

Each year, I try to choose one character trait to improve on. Last year it was charity; the year before it was prayer. This year it will be selichah, forgiveness.

Usually when we think about forgiveness, we think about forgiving others when they have wronged you; not carrying a grudge. This is actually not something I generally have a problem with. I don’t tend to carry grudges; I forgive people when they ask for it; of course there is always room for improvement. There are three other aspects of forgiveness, which I feel I need to focus on.

First, I need to work on asking others for forgiveness. This is one of the hardest things to do. It entails saying you’re sorry and asking the injured party to forgive you. Saying you’re sorry is when you’re wrong (as apposed to when you accidentally did something) is very difficult, for everyone, including me. The problem lies in the fact that it means admitting you were wrong, and we all like to think of ourselves as perfect creatures living in an imperfect world. And there in lies the problem. Humans are not perfect; only G-d is perfect. Being able to admit our imperfections by seeking forgiveness is a way of sanctifying G-d’s name through the acknowledgement that G-d is the only perfect being in this universe.

Second is being able to ask myself for forgiveness. As hard as it is to ask others for forgiveness, it’s even harder (and more important) to ask yourself.

Finally, just as I grant forgiveness when others seek it of me, I need to be able to grant it to myself when I seek it. If I err, I need to acknowledge it, by asking myself for forgiveness, and then forgive myself so that I don’t tear myself up over it. Finally, I need to use that mistake as a stepping stone to improve whatever character flaw lead to the mistake.

I am going to try to use some the techniques of Mussar to improve this character trait. I’ll write about that later.