Praying as a Father

This morning I davened Shacharit for the first time as a father.

I read the same words that I have read (just about) every day for more than 2 years, I find many passages take on a totally new meaning. There are two passages in particular that I’ve always felt have spoken to me, suddenly took on an entirely new meaning.

The first one is part of “Birkot Ha’Shachar”, the series of 15 blessings we say to start the service. The 10^th blessing is “Blessed are You, Hashem, Our G-d, King of the universe, Who provided me my every need.” I have always related to this in its corollary; “everything G-d has given me, I need.” I used this to keep in mind that everything comes from G-d, the good and the bad. This phrase helped me through the difficult time following our miscarriages. That too came from G-d, and for some reason I needed it.

But this morning, I related to that verse in a totally new way. G-d had just provided me with my son. My son is my every need. This verse now tells me how I have to prioritize my life. Work can be put on hold; other commitments can be put off. My priorities now lie with my son (and, of course, with G-d).

The second passage is towards the end of the service, it is “Blessed is my Lord for every single day he burdens us with his blessings.” I have always felt a connection to this verse, but was never able to put my finger on it. But now, with G-d giving me a son, and experiencing the “burden” of my new priorities, I understand the verse. My son is the greatest blessing G-d can bestow on me, and I thank G-d every minute for “burdening” me with this blessing.